You Can Go Your Own Way

When a friendship ends who is to blame? I have no interest in forcing myself on someone who doesn’t want me around. I have a friends who has made it clear that they no longer want to be friends but wont pull the plug themselves and instead has created a loose thread in the sweater of our friendship. They have slowly been pulling away, unraveling our friendship inch my inch and for awhile I ignored it because that’s almost always easier than dealing with things. But now they have pulled so much that our friendship sweater is no longer a sweater and instead a pile of unrecognizable thread entwined in a mess on floor of my life. So now I have a few options:

1. I can leave the pile of thread where it is, in the front of my mind everywhere I go, all day long. The pile is annoying and in the way, it creating some serious clutter in my brain. This plan is easy and required little effort on my part. Of course if the thread is always in the front of my mind, eventually, it will take up valuable space needed for the other relationships in my life. If I’m spending all of my time and brain power thinking about this one shitty friend, other relationships in my life will suffer. And the idea of losing some of my actually amazing friends because I’m obsessing over this one dbag is really depressing.

2. I can sweep the pile under my bed to lie amongst the dust and other lost and forgotten objects that no longer have a place in my life. This way I don’t to see the remains of our friendship everyday, they don’t clutter the visible space but the problem is it’s all still there. I can’t see it on a regular basis but the one time a year I decide to clean my room I know I will have a breakdown when I find that pile of thread. I wont think about my former friend everyday but the feelings that were hurt and the bad memories will still be around collecting dust.

3. I can deal with it. Of course the best solution is the one that involves the most effort. I used to be terrified of confrontation, I still am in some ways. I like it when I am the one doing the confronting. I believe it is better to tell people how you feel, even if they are not such great feelings. I don’t mean you should tell everyone you don’t like what they need to work on, but I’m dealing with one of my best friends and I feel like I owe it to both of us to be honest. I hate loose ends and he has made our relationship a loose end. We’re not really friends right now but neither of us has confronted this fact in anyway, hence the thread pile. In order to clean up the mess for good we have to talk, he friend dumped me and has yet to explain why and that’s all i’m looking for is an explanation, an honest one.

I was talking about this situation to someone I don’t know very well and who has never met my friend. After I stopped talking he rolled his eyes and stated that he cared about his friends a lot and would never stop being friends with them. We were both in bad moods and I don’t think he meant to sound like such a dick…but it made me think. I do care about my friends I think that is part of the problem; I care too much and he doesn’t care enough. Am I a bad person because I’m letting go? I feel like a bad person, but at the same time this is what my friend wants…I can’t force them to be around me. I’m promising myself that this is the last post I write about this friend. I’ve decided how to move on and now it’s done finally. 

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About Megan :)

I love music, boardgames, late-night car rides, laughing with my friends, grocery shopping with my mom and napping with my dog. … because thing’s change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. – Perks of Being a Wallflower
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