Hands Clean

Sometimes, I think too much. Always at the worst time.

I don’t think a lot when I decide how much alcohol to consume on a friday night. I don’t think too much about scheduling my time well when I have a ton of assignments due in the same week. I don’t think too much when I criticize other people on a regular basis. These are the things I should be thinking about more. These are the decisions that, if I put a little more thought into, I would get a much better outcome.

Instead I waste my thought energy on stupid things like, pretty much every facebook status I’ve ever posted. That’s why I rarely make status updates, because I worry so much about what people will think. I think too much about what I wear, I change my outfit at least 3 times every morning and then I stare at myself in the mirror, critiquing until I don;t have time to change again. And my brain becomes far too over active in those moments when you should just shut it off and live your life. As a result of over thinking, moments get ruined and I wind up saying something that, in the moment, feels important, but later when the moment is ruined, I completely regret. I feel ridiculous that I made such a big deal about something small and stupid.

I’m only 20, I’m supposed to make mistakes and be reckless sometimes. Life is meant to be lived and I feel like I’m wasting it by thinking and worrying so much about the consequences of my actions. I worry too much about the wrong things and not enough about the right ones. I was trying so hard to not do something I was going to regret and now looking back, I regret the things I didn’t do so much more than the things I did.


About Megan :)

I love music, boardgames, late-night car rides, laughing with my friends, grocery shopping with my mom and napping with my dog. … because thing’s change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. – Perks of Being a Wallflower
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