Sometimes I feel like I’m playing a game with everyone around me. The game is to never let anyone know how you really feel about stuff and apparently, I’m in it to win it. I say all the time that I wish everyone would just lay their cards out on the table. Tell people what you want and how you feel and if they don’t like it you can move on. That way you don;t have to deal with the confusion of now knowing what your relationships are or whether or not the people you think care about you actually do. I say this crap and pretend to live my life that way but I don’t, not even a little bit. I always have my guard up and I never tell people how I really feel. If you tell someone honestly how much you care about them, the have this control over you. They can choose to love you back or to hurt you and I feel like its a complete toss up. You never really know how someone is going to react to you but its always a 50/50 chance. I think I need better odds than that. The problem is that if I’m always acting like I don’t really care about people, how can I expect anyone to express their feelings to me?
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