What You Tell Yourself You Want Vs. What You Actually Want

It’s a strange feeling when you realize that what you actually want is something entirely different from what you thought. You had everything worked out in your mind, while you’re waiting in line in Starbucks. Thinking “tall, nonfat, hazelnut latte” and then the overly cheery girl behind the register asks what she can get for you and before you can think you blurt out “Grande peppermint mocha, extra whip!” And then of course you feel guilty while you wait for the Barista to call your 2000 calorie drink. The guilt also comes with confusion because you thought you had decided that the calories were not a good idea, that you would regret getting a sugary, chocolatey drink with extra dairy products squeezed on top. But at the last second you couldn’t help yourself, because a nonfat latte wasn’t what you really wanted, even if it seemed like the more healthy choice. But isn’t that always how it goes when you’re depriving yourself? You try so hard to order a garden salad at your favourite restaurant but accidently order tacos instead. I have this problem all the time. It takes so much effort to reason with yourself, to make yourself want the more healthy option whether its food or books or a boy. Every time I grab a book for the beach or the bathtub I try to take Charles Dickens or one of the Bronte sisters but I always crack and pick a trashy romance novel instead. I can always read the sparks notes for Great Expectations right?

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About Megan :)

I love music, boardgames, late-night car rides, laughing with my friends, grocery shopping with my mom and napping with my dog. … because thing’s change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. – Perks of Being a Wallflower
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